If God shopped… he (she) would shop at Wal Mart…

Wal Mart is God!

Or at lest... our friend the all mighty dollar!!!

You are getting sleepy… very sleepy….

Go buy some stuff at Wal Mart…



I love Wal Mart… (oh, by the way... happy holidays!).

I love everything about Wal Mart…

I love the approach to the parking lot! It is so big and inviting. I start to drool as I take in the first vision of that big, beautiful, box like building… full of familiar but yet unknown treasurers.

I came to get eggs… but yet… there is a perceptible increase in my heart beat… an unmistaken rush of anticipation.

I know that if I am lucky, I will find a parking space within a hundred yards or so of the main entrance of that temple of consumer delights. If not… well… who really gives a sh…! I will park where ever I have to… just to get my Wal Mart fix!

I even love the smell when I walk in the big doors... packing boxes, freshly pealed open with a box cutter knife by practiced shelf stockers.

Ummm... so comforting...

Yes… perhaps I sometimes feel guilty… I am fully aware that I really don’t need anything but the eggs I came for, but know that I will find something else… a treasure that will gratify my lust for consumption. Maybe some especially appealing deal will jump out at me… some unbelievably attractively priced garden hose… some fantastically beautiful lawn furniture competitively priced or not… and, of course, some really cool toys for the kids.

The eggs? Oh yeah... the eggs... I will try to remember...

What is there not to like about Wal Mart?

It makes me happy! The stuff... yes... the stuff...

But there is more...

The people… I really like the people. They, the Wal Mart associates (sometimes mistaken for employees), obviously like their jobs. Hell no… they love their jobs… Some of them love their jobs so much that they go way beyond what might be considered normal retirement years just so they can bring joy to consumers like me. They stand at the door and greet me with such enthusiasm. It is like they have the perfect job… just standing there and smiling at me… giving me the self-affirmation I need to take the whole experience in…

These are obviously “people people” who enjoy the joy of selling stuff to people who truly need some stuff...

Number six? No!!! I am not a number... or maybe... yes... I suppose I could be... Where was I?

I don't really crave the stuff...

I can stop any time I want... I just don't want to... at least right now...

The cart… it is so big and… yes… so inviting... I feel warm and comfortable...

Pile in the stuff… lots of stuff…

So… what is this disturbing news we are seeing coming out of Roanoke County?

It seems that some crazy people out in Roanoke County are questioning the advisability of building another quarter million square foot Wall Mart store.

Why?

Who cares about traffic?

Who cares about impacts on surrounding neighborhoods?

Why would anyone question Wal Mart?

So what if Wal Mart sucks massive amounts of disposable income out of the Roanoke Valley and sends it by wire transfer to Arkansas every day?

So what if Wal Mart undercuts local businesses until they go bust?

So what if Wal Mart exploits local labor?

Why would anyone waste time on these questions?

Most communities don't bother. Local elected officials in little communities everywhere go absolutely ga ga when they get a call from corporate headquarters from our friends at the United States of Exploitable Market Areas... otherwise known as the US of EMA... the real government of North America.

I want my stuff!!! I want it cheap!!! Yes… I want my Wal Mart…

You are getting sleepy… very sleepy…

Go buy some stuff at Wal Mart!!!

Don’t worry… be happy!


NOTE: Of course, regular readers of the Iconoclast recognize sarcasm when they see it. Typically, local officials are idiots and fall all over themselves when dealing with Wal Mart and other recognized "big box" prospects who like to be known as "economic development". Beware... economic development is not about selling a bunch of stupid "stuff" to a culture of adicted consumers who don't really know why they buy the stuff in the first place. Nine times out of ten, the community gets ripped off because local government officials don't require that the prospect pay a fair impact fee. Do most local officials even know about impact fees? You be the judge.